The aging of married individuals can be a relaxing and happy experience if the couple chooses to be happy. This week we focused on the aging of married couples and the different challenges that they go through during that period of their life. For most couples we realized that this empty nester time in their lives is an enjoyable time where the marriage can be strengthened and intimacy is at it's highest. Looking at these results I was somewhat surprised because I guess I did not think that with age intimacy would increase. But it is true that once the children leave, couples tend to lean more on each other and grow old with each other. This is the case with most couples, but in actuality this is not always the case. Statistically speaking, 11% of those grandparent age couples are raising their grandchildren. We studied how this would affect the dynamic in the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren. This type of interaction would become a blend of a grandparent and parenting relationship. Overall, this time period in our lives is one that is influenced by our situations in life. It can be a time of frustration and stress or a joyful time of re-acquaintance with one's spouse.
This is my last blog post! It has been such an insightful semester and I have enjoyed the different lessons that I have been taught in class. I am heading home for next semester, but I know that because of what I learned in this class I will be much more awair of my relationships with family members and how important they are in my life. I hope you all enjoyed my weekly posts and were influenced in one way or another to think about some of these issues. I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas and try to remember the importance of your relationships with family members during this holiday!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Divorce and remarriage
Couples who divorce impact the lives of those in their family unit in detrimental ways. As I have studied the topic of divorce in depth this week I have reached the conclusion that if divorce can be avoided at all costs, then it should. Overall, in various studies completed it has been found that 70% of divorced couples feel that they should have tried harder to save the marriage from collapsing. Marriage is something that takes great unselfishness on the part of both individuals and when one or both are unwilling to sacrifice for the other, their marriage will not remain as strong. Obviously if the people are thinking of the other, they will be more willing to give up their strong opinions that could threaten the relationship.
Children are another factor that should be considered more in the idea of divorce. Legally the courts are working to fulfill the wishes of the parents and do not take into account the impact that different choices that the court will have on the children's lives in the present and the future. In a study of several thousand families, it was discovered that when a child of a divorced couple is fifteen years old, the father lives an average of 400 miles away. In class we discussed the multiple reasons why that would be the case at all and the effects that would have on the child. One thing that could have happened is the mother might have moved her kids away from the father to be nearer to family or start fresh. We concluded that if the child was a boy, he would not have a father figure to follow after and try to be like. Girls would of course be affected by trying to seek love from other males because she lacks that support coming from her father. Ultimately, divorce and remarriage is a difficult process that is suprisingly becoming more common. If possible Americans should think of others than themselves when contemplating divorce because there is more at stake.
Children are another factor that should be considered more in the idea of divorce. Legally the courts are working to fulfill the wishes of the parents and do not take into account the impact that different choices that the court will have on the children's lives in the present and the future. In a study of several thousand families, it was discovered that when a child of a divorced couple is fifteen years old, the father lives an average of 400 miles away. In class we discussed the multiple reasons why that would be the case at all and the effects that would have on the child. One thing that could have happened is the mother might have moved her kids away from the father to be nearer to family or start fresh. We concluded that if the child was a boy, he would not have a father figure to follow after and try to be like. Girls would of course be affected by trying to seek love from other males because she lacks that support coming from her father. Ultimately, divorce and remarriage is a difficult process that is suprisingly becoming more common. If possible Americans should think of others than themselves when contemplating divorce because there is more at stake.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Parenting
Parenting right is very important in the lives of children. This week we zoomed in on the parenting techniques that are most prevalent in society today. Growing up, I had never thought that parenting was very difficult. I had never really considered that parenting could be bad or good. It seemed like something that is just learned over time. But as I have had to take an in depth look at what takes place in parenting, I have changed my mind. To prepare for class on Monday, we had to take a little online test that would reveal which type of parenting style we most exhibit- Authoritative, Authoritarian, or permissive. I had most of the qualities that an Authoritative parent would possess which I discovered was a positive result. In researching these different parenting approaches, I feel like that the Authoritative type of parenting is best. In this approach respect is expected, yet parents talk and listen to their children. In doing this, the children feel that their perspective is validated, but they still experience consequences and are taught to respect their elders.
In contrast, parents act like dictators and do not listen to the responses of their children in the Authoritarian technique. The third technique involves the parents acting as doormats and allowing their children to walk all over them and tell them what to do. This is known as the Permissive technique. These last two techniques are extremes that I feel we must avoid because freedom is either restricted or given too freely. My own parents wisely utilized the Authoritative parenting style. They listened to my opinion and had me choose my consequences when discipline was needed. I am grateful that they did this because I am much better at making decisions now. I also know that my parents will validate my opinion so I can talk to my parents about things that bother me. I plan to raise my kids under this Authoritative parenting technique because I know that they will be most prepared to enter the world when they must leave home.
In contrast, parents act like dictators and do not listen to the responses of their children in the Authoritarian technique. The third technique involves the parents acting as doormats and allowing their children to walk all over them and tell them what to do. This is known as the Permissive technique. These last two techniques are extremes that I feel we must avoid because freedom is either restricted or given too freely. My own parents wisely utilized the Authoritative parenting style. They listened to my opinion and had me choose my consequences when discipline was needed. I am grateful that they did this because I am much better at making decisions now. I also know that my parents will validate my opinion so I can talk to my parents about things that bother me. I plan to raise my kids under this Authoritative parenting technique because I know that they will be most prepared to enter the world when they must leave home.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Homemaker
In society today, the role of the homemaker is looked down upon as a job of no worth. This is something that bothers me so much! Just because women have more rights and opportunities to be in the workforce does not mean that is where they should be or need to be. Since the time of Adam and Eve, families have been raised a specific way, the traditional way. The mother stays at home and cares for the kids while the father is the breadwinner. Within the last century, these roles have changed drastically. Women are expected to go work more and more! My little sister was at school in her fifth grade class and her teacher asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. My sister responded that she was going to be a mom. Her teacher explained to her that that was the first time that any of her students wanted to be a homemaker and that she thought it was a wonderful job.
In some of the readings that we had, the amount that the average homemaker would make was recorded. We all discussed how placing a value on that type of work almost demeans it. My mother was a homemaker and I saw first hand the impact that she had when she was at home raising us. We always had someone to talk to and someone who was there for the sole purpose of taking care of us. There was one point when my mom had no choice but to go to work for about 6 months because our family wasn't making enough. That was a very hard time for us kids because we had to learn to entertain ourselves for the Summer. My mother did her best, but I gained a huge testimony that homemaker mothers provide a home and the children with a sense of love and care that would otherwise not be there. I hope to walk in the footsteps of my mother and take this responsibility as a homemaker seriously. I plan to get a degree first so that I could go to work if there was no other option, but my first plan is to sacrifice education so that I can raise children in a happy home where love abides.
In some of the readings that we had, the amount that the average homemaker would make was recorded. We all discussed how placing a value on that type of work almost demeans it. My mother was a homemaker and I saw first hand the impact that she had when she was at home raising us. We always had someone to talk to and someone who was there for the sole purpose of taking care of us. There was one point when my mom had no choice but to go to work for about 6 months because our family wasn't making enough. That was a very hard time for us kids because we had to learn to entertain ourselves for the Summer. My mother did her best, but I gained a huge testimony that homemaker mothers provide a home and the children with a sense of love and care that would otherwise not be there. I hope to walk in the footsteps of my mother and take this responsibility as a homemaker seriously. I plan to get a degree first so that I could go to work if there was no other option, but my first plan is to sacrifice education so that I can raise children in a happy home where love abides.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Conflict in the family
Within marriage, conflict can have either a positive or negative effect on the relationship and the family. This week I discovered that there is such thing as positive conflict and that conflict does not always produce negative outcomes. Little fights about different topics can be handled appropriately and settled. Such occurrences are natural and normal. They can actually bring couples closer as the conflict is resolved and a solution is found that meets the interests of both individuals. If each is seeking after the well being and acting out of love for the other, the conflict (differing in views) will likely end up being a positive thing.
Although, there are many who do not choose to resolve conflict this way. Instead of trying to show love and concern for the other, they want to prove their point and therefore act selfishly. Sadly, this is becoming a way that many couples choose to approach issues. Then, if they feel that the other person is getting in the way too often, there is always the option of divorce. This is absolutely not the way to go. It is a way out that many take thinking that in doing so issues would be resolved and that there would be less conflict in their lives. For some, this may be the case. But for most people, they later regret choosing divorce rather than working harder to fix issues and make the marriage work.
Children in the family are also affected by the conflict of parents. Though parents may try to hide it, the children can sense when there is something wrong. If there is too much conflict between parents, the children can be influenced in their future relationships to act similarly. What comes around goes around. We must work very hard to keep conflict at a minimum and try to think of the other person. If we do this more, our marriages will be healthier and our children will benefit greatly.
Although, there are many who do not choose to resolve conflict this way. Instead of trying to show love and concern for the other, they want to prove their point and therefore act selfishly. Sadly, this is becoming a way that many couples choose to approach issues. Then, if they feel that the other person is getting in the way too often, there is always the option of divorce. This is absolutely not the way to go. It is a way out that many take thinking that in doing so issues would be resolved and that there would be less conflict in their lives. For some, this may be the case. But for most people, they later regret choosing divorce rather than working harder to fix issues and make the marriage work.
Children in the family are also affected by the conflict of parents. Though parents may try to hide it, the children can sense when there is something wrong. If there is too much conflict between parents, the children can be influenced in their future relationships to act similarly. What comes around goes around. We must work very hard to keep conflict at a minimum and try to think of the other person. If we do this more, our marriages will be healthier and our children will benefit greatly.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Family crisis
Family crisis can cause a family to lose relationship quality or gain it. This is one of the main concepts that I discovered this week in class. We had to study in depth what happens to families when unexpected circumstances occur to a family whether outside or inside forces.In doing this, I have been able to realize in depth how my own family has coped with different situations over the years. Growing up, we had to move to a different home in every year of high school. I ended up going to two different middle schools and three different high schools. It was a crisis situation most of the time- unexpected and unplanned. This week I have had the chance to look back and realize that my family coped with these surprise moves quite well. Rather than each of us becoming frusturated with the situation and trying to deal with it on our own, my family became extremely close in our relationships with each other.
In different class discussions we had, I discovered that there were others that have endured serious trial and we discussed how some people do not handle family crisis well and hide in a shell rather than turning to those who are most important. Even in the reading, it talked a lot about the children of alcoholics. It described how detrimental the situation is to their growing up years and there were statistics that revealed the negative impacts that this had on their future as well. It all comes down to how people handle these crisis situations. Every one is different and therefore reacts differently to circumstances.
In different class discussions we had, I discovered that there were others that have endured serious trial and we discussed how some people do not handle family crisis well and hide in a shell rather than turning to those who are most important. Even in the reading, it talked a lot about the children of alcoholics. It described how detrimental the situation is to their growing up years and there were statistics that revealed the negative impacts that this had on their future as well. It all comes down to how people handle these crisis situations. Every one is different and therefore reacts differently to circumstances.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Sexuality and fidelity
This was a very interesting week! We discussed sexuality and how it is something that should be reserved for marriage. I believe that it is an act that is sacred and valuable to god. Though it may be a temptation for people to want to do it out of marriage, research shows how doing so is not as satisfying physically as waiting for marriage. We also focused on how the trends of the U.S. are becoming more and more separate from the traditional focus on virginity and the keeping of this practice sacred. Cohabitation is becoming the norm. I personally believe that sex should be kept for marriage- one can prevent disease and be more satisfied.
We also focused on how one tells their children about the birds and the bees. After our lecture on this topic, I decided that in my family, I will be the one to tell my children about sex. This is because there are so many mixed messages that come from the school systems, school friends, and other sources that our children come by.
We also focused on how one tells their children about the birds and the bees. After our lecture on this topic, I decided that in my family, I will be the one to tell my children about sex. This is because there are so many mixed messages that come from the school systems, school friends, and other sources that our children come by.
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