The aging of married individuals can be a relaxing and happy experience if the couple chooses to be happy. This week we focused on the aging of married couples and the different challenges that they go through during that period of their life. For most couples we realized that this empty nester time in their lives is an enjoyable time where the marriage can be strengthened and intimacy is at it's highest. Looking at these results I was somewhat surprised because I guess I did not think that with age intimacy would increase. But it is true that once the children leave, couples tend to lean more on each other and grow old with each other. This is the case with most couples, but in actuality this is not always the case. Statistically speaking, 11% of those grandparent age couples are raising their grandchildren. We studied how this would affect the dynamic in the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren. This type of interaction would become a blend of a grandparent and parenting relationship. Overall, this time period in our lives is one that is influenced by our situations in life. It can be a time of frustration and stress or a joyful time of re-acquaintance with one's spouse.
This is my last blog post! It has been such an insightful semester and I have enjoyed the different lessons that I have been taught in class. I am heading home for next semester, but I know that because of what I learned in this class I will be much more awair of my relationships with family members and how important they are in my life. I hope you all enjoyed my weekly posts and were influenced in one way or another to think about some of these issues. I hope all of you have a Merry Christmas and try to remember the importance of your relationships with family members during this holiday!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
Divorce and remarriage
Couples who divorce impact the lives of those in their family unit in detrimental ways. As I have studied the topic of divorce in depth this week I have reached the conclusion that if divorce can be avoided at all costs, then it should. Overall, in various studies completed it has been found that 70% of divorced couples feel that they should have tried harder to save the marriage from collapsing. Marriage is something that takes great unselfishness on the part of both individuals and when one or both are unwilling to sacrifice for the other, their marriage will not remain as strong. Obviously if the people are thinking of the other, they will be more willing to give up their strong opinions that could threaten the relationship.
Children are another factor that should be considered more in the idea of divorce. Legally the courts are working to fulfill the wishes of the parents and do not take into account the impact that different choices that the court will have on the children's lives in the present and the future. In a study of several thousand families, it was discovered that when a child of a divorced couple is fifteen years old, the father lives an average of 400 miles away. In class we discussed the multiple reasons why that would be the case at all and the effects that would have on the child. One thing that could have happened is the mother might have moved her kids away from the father to be nearer to family or start fresh. We concluded that if the child was a boy, he would not have a father figure to follow after and try to be like. Girls would of course be affected by trying to seek love from other males because she lacks that support coming from her father. Ultimately, divorce and remarriage is a difficult process that is suprisingly becoming more common. If possible Americans should think of others than themselves when contemplating divorce because there is more at stake.
Children are another factor that should be considered more in the idea of divorce. Legally the courts are working to fulfill the wishes of the parents and do not take into account the impact that different choices that the court will have on the children's lives in the present and the future. In a study of several thousand families, it was discovered that when a child of a divorced couple is fifteen years old, the father lives an average of 400 miles away. In class we discussed the multiple reasons why that would be the case at all and the effects that would have on the child. One thing that could have happened is the mother might have moved her kids away from the father to be nearer to family or start fresh. We concluded that if the child was a boy, he would not have a father figure to follow after and try to be like. Girls would of course be affected by trying to seek love from other males because she lacks that support coming from her father. Ultimately, divorce and remarriage is a difficult process that is suprisingly becoming more common. If possible Americans should think of others than themselves when contemplating divorce because there is more at stake.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Parenting
Parenting right is very important in the lives of children. This week we zoomed in on the parenting techniques that are most prevalent in society today. Growing up, I had never thought that parenting was very difficult. I had never really considered that parenting could be bad or good. It seemed like something that is just learned over time. But as I have had to take an in depth look at what takes place in parenting, I have changed my mind. To prepare for class on Monday, we had to take a little online test that would reveal which type of parenting style we most exhibit- Authoritative, Authoritarian, or permissive. I had most of the qualities that an Authoritative parent would possess which I discovered was a positive result. In researching these different parenting approaches, I feel like that the Authoritative type of parenting is best. In this approach respect is expected, yet parents talk and listen to their children. In doing this, the children feel that their perspective is validated, but they still experience consequences and are taught to respect their elders.
In contrast, parents act like dictators and do not listen to the responses of their children in the Authoritarian technique. The third technique involves the parents acting as doormats and allowing their children to walk all over them and tell them what to do. This is known as the Permissive technique. These last two techniques are extremes that I feel we must avoid because freedom is either restricted or given too freely. My own parents wisely utilized the Authoritative parenting style. They listened to my opinion and had me choose my consequences when discipline was needed. I am grateful that they did this because I am much better at making decisions now. I also know that my parents will validate my opinion so I can talk to my parents about things that bother me. I plan to raise my kids under this Authoritative parenting technique because I know that they will be most prepared to enter the world when they must leave home.
In contrast, parents act like dictators and do not listen to the responses of their children in the Authoritarian technique. The third technique involves the parents acting as doormats and allowing their children to walk all over them and tell them what to do. This is known as the Permissive technique. These last two techniques are extremes that I feel we must avoid because freedom is either restricted or given too freely. My own parents wisely utilized the Authoritative parenting style. They listened to my opinion and had me choose my consequences when discipline was needed. I am grateful that they did this because I am much better at making decisions now. I also know that my parents will validate my opinion so I can talk to my parents about things that bother me. I plan to raise my kids under this Authoritative parenting technique because I know that they will be most prepared to enter the world when they must leave home.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Homemaker
In society today, the role of the homemaker is looked down upon as a job of no worth. This is something that bothers me so much! Just because women have more rights and opportunities to be in the workforce does not mean that is where they should be or need to be. Since the time of Adam and Eve, families have been raised a specific way, the traditional way. The mother stays at home and cares for the kids while the father is the breadwinner. Within the last century, these roles have changed drastically. Women are expected to go work more and more! My little sister was at school in her fifth grade class and her teacher asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. My sister responded that she was going to be a mom. Her teacher explained to her that that was the first time that any of her students wanted to be a homemaker and that she thought it was a wonderful job.
In some of the readings that we had, the amount that the average homemaker would make was recorded. We all discussed how placing a value on that type of work almost demeans it. My mother was a homemaker and I saw first hand the impact that she had when she was at home raising us. We always had someone to talk to and someone who was there for the sole purpose of taking care of us. There was one point when my mom had no choice but to go to work for about 6 months because our family wasn't making enough. That was a very hard time for us kids because we had to learn to entertain ourselves for the Summer. My mother did her best, but I gained a huge testimony that homemaker mothers provide a home and the children with a sense of love and care that would otherwise not be there. I hope to walk in the footsteps of my mother and take this responsibility as a homemaker seriously. I plan to get a degree first so that I could go to work if there was no other option, but my first plan is to sacrifice education so that I can raise children in a happy home where love abides.
In some of the readings that we had, the amount that the average homemaker would make was recorded. We all discussed how placing a value on that type of work almost demeans it. My mother was a homemaker and I saw first hand the impact that she had when she was at home raising us. We always had someone to talk to and someone who was there for the sole purpose of taking care of us. There was one point when my mom had no choice but to go to work for about 6 months because our family wasn't making enough. That was a very hard time for us kids because we had to learn to entertain ourselves for the Summer. My mother did her best, but I gained a huge testimony that homemaker mothers provide a home and the children with a sense of love and care that would otherwise not be there. I hope to walk in the footsteps of my mother and take this responsibility as a homemaker seriously. I plan to get a degree first so that I could go to work if there was no other option, but my first plan is to sacrifice education so that I can raise children in a happy home where love abides.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Conflict in the family
Within marriage, conflict can have either a positive or negative effect on the relationship and the family. This week I discovered that there is such thing as positive conflict and that conflict does not always produce negative outcomes. Little fights about different topics can be handled appropriately and settled. Such occurrences are natural and normal. They can actually bring couples closer as the conflict is resolved and a solution is found that meets the interests of both individuals. If each is seeking after the well being and acting out of love for the other, the conflict (differing in views) will likely end up being a positive thing.
Although, there are many who do not choose to resolve conflict this way. Instead of trying to show love and concern for the other, they want to prove their point and therefore act selfishly. Sadly, this is becoming a way that many couples choose to approach issues. Then, if they feel that the other person is getting in the way too often, there is always the option of divorce. This is absolutely not the way to go. It is a way out that many take thinking that in doing so issues would be resolved and that there would be less conflict in their lives. For some, this may be the case. But for most people, they later regret choosing divorce rather than working harder to fix issues and make the marriage work.
Children in the family are also affected by the conflict of parents. Though parents may try to hide it, the children can sense when there is something wrong. If there is too much conflict between parents, the children can be influenced in their future relationships to act similarly. What comes around goes around. We must work very hard to keep conflict at a minimum and try to think of the other person. If we do this more, our marriages will be healthier and our children will benefit greatly.
Although, there are many who do not choose to resolve conflict this way. Instead of trying to show love and concern for the other, they want to prove their point and therefore act selfishly. Sadly, this is becoming a way that many couples choose to approach issues. Then, if they feel that the other person is getting in the way too often, there is always the option of divorce. This is absolutely not the way to go. It is a way out that many take thinking that in doing so issues would be resolved and that there would be less conflict in their lives. For some, this may be the case. But for most people, they later regret choosing divorce rather than working harder to fix issues and make the marriage work.
Children in the family are also affected by the conflict of parents. Though parents may try to hide it, the children can sense when there is something wrong. If there is too much conflict between parents, the children can be influenced in their future relationships to act similarly. What comes around goes around. We must work very hard to keep conflict at a minimum and try to think of the other person. If we do this more, our marriages will be healthier and our children will benefit greatly.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Family crisis
Family crisis can cause a family to lose relationship quality or gain it. This is one of the main concepts that I discovered this week in class. We had to study in depth what happens to families when unexpected circumstances occur to a family whether outside or inside forces.In doing this, I have been able to realize in depth how my own family has coped with different situations over the years. Growing up, we had to move to a different home in every year of high school. I ended up going to two different middle schools and three different high schools. It was a crisis situation most of the time- unexpected and unplanned. This week I have had the chance to look back and realize that my family coped with these surprise moves quite well. Rather than each of us becoming frusturated with the situation and trying to deal with it on our own, my family became extremely close in our relationships with each other.
In different class discussions we had, I discovered that there were others that have endured serious trial and we discussed how some people do not handle family crisis well and hide in a shell rather than turning to those who are most important. Even in the reading, it talked a lot about the children of alcoholics. It described how detrimental the situation is to their growing up years and there were statistics that revealed the negative impacts that this had on their future as well. It all comes down to how people handle these crisis situations. Every one is different and therefore reacts differently to circumstances.
In different class discussions we had, I discovered that there were others that have endured serious trial and we discussed how some people do not handle family crisis well and hide in a shell rather than turning to those who are most important. Even in the reading, it talked a lot about the children of alcoholics. It described how detrimental the situation is to their growing up years and there were statistics that revealed the negative impacts that this had on their future as well. It all comes down to how people handle these crisis situations. Every one is different and therefore reacts differently to circumstances.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Sexuality and fidelity
This was a very interesting week! We discussed sexuality and how it is something that should be reserved for marriage. I believe that it is an act that is sacred and valuable to god. Though it may be a temptation for people to want to do it out of marriage, research shows how doing so is not as satisfying physically as waiting for marriage. We also focused on how the trends of the U.S. are becoming more and more separate from the traditional focus on virginity and the keeping of this practice sacred. Cohabitation is becoming the norm. I personally believe that sex should be kept for marriage- one can prevent disease and be more satisfied.
We also focused on how one tells their children about the birds and the bees. After our lecture on this topic, I decided that in my family, I will be the one to tell my children about sex. This is because there are so many mixed messages that come from the school systems, school friends, and other sources that our children come by.
We also focused on how one tells their children about the birds and the bees. After our lecture on this topic, I decided that in my family, I will be the one to tell my children about sex. This is because there are so many mixed messages that come from the school systems, school friends, and other sources that our children come by.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Getting married
Alrighty! So this week we zoomed in on the topic of the "marriage process." It was really fascinating what we learned about. I had never realized how complicated the process was! I mean when you are engaged to a person, you should probably learn about their lifestyles, beliefs, traditions...everything that they will be bringing to the table once the marriage ceremony is over. It may appear that life will be complete bliss (and for a little while it will be), but soon enough the couple will need to make some important decisions. In one of the class discussions that we had, our instructor went through a questionnaire just to get us thinking about the various choices that will need to be made. They were questions like- Will the wife take the last name of the husband to be her own? How many kids will the couple have? Will both individuals work? How will holidays be celebrated?... I didn't really consider how much will need to be decided when two lives merge into one. It really got me thinking.
We also discussed what happens once a child is born into the home. My teacher really emphasized how important it is for the husband to be a part of the little things like doctors appointments. I learned how those little things added up to be very important in the marriage strengthening process. I was very surprise that as I was going through a homework assignment I discovered that when giving birth, the mother of the woman should with her when she is giving birth. It should be the father because in such a fragile situation as two people bringing a child into the world, that moment could be shared to make marriage bonds and the love in the relationship stronger. Whereas the mother would be the one sharing that moment with her daughter- a moment that a couple could miss out on. I believe that when I go through this whole ordeal, I will be a little more prepared because of this class!
We also discussed what happens once a child is born into the home. My teacher really emphasized how important it is for the husband to be a part of the little things like doctors appointments. I learned how those little things added up to be very important in the marriage strengthening process. I was very surprise that as I was going through a homework assignment I discovered that when giving birth, the mother of the woman should with her when she is giving birth. It should be the father because in such a fragile situation as two people bringing a child into the world, that moment could be shared to make marriage bonds and the love in the relationship stronger. Whereas the mother would be the one sharing that moment with her daughter- a moment that a couple could miss out on. I believe that when I go through this whole ordeal, I will be a little more prepared because of this class!
Friday, October 25, 2013
Preparing for Marriage-Casual dating
This week in my Family Relations class, the primary focus was centered on dating in our culture today. I believe that dating in it's many forms are valuable to society. But, within the last several decades, dating has changed significantly. Even the definition of the word "dating" has completely changed to meaning exclusive and "unavailable." In most places in America these days, there is not much casual dating that occurs, only exclusive. I experienced that throughout my high school years in Texas, New Mexico, and California where I have lived. This lack of casual dating and increase of exclusive dating has led people to believe that it is simply the culture of our time and that there is nothing that we can do to change it. I hope that in due time, casual dating can be once again seen as valuable. It is a time where we can get to know people very well by observing them do different activities and interact in different settings. Through this dating, people can almost "shop around" in a nonthreatening and fun way to see what kind of people they could potentially marry. In exclusive dating, a person cuts themself off from other possibilities. It is good to do this when one has already passed the stage of casual dating and can visualize marriage, but not in every dating interaction. Casual dating is the traditional approach that our culture has veered from and should re-establish.
I have been working on a project for my marriage preparation class that ties right in with the things I have been reading in the chapters assigned for this class. In this project, I had to interview three females and three males between the ages of 16-23 who are not married and have casually dated a lot. I discovered the fun and excitement that has come from going on these dates. They mentioned the ability to talk to the person and get to know them by doing fun activities was an ideal way to get to know what you like in people. This kind of dating is needed in our culture today in my opinion. Just from discussing in class the positive effects of casual dating, I definitely wish it was more common because people can learn what kinds of people they best work with and therefore be on a track that will lead to finding a compatible spouse.
I have been working on a project for my marriage preparation class that ties right in with the things I have been reading in the chapters assigned for this class. In this project, I had to interview three females and three males between the ages of 16-23 who are not married and have casually dated a lot. I discovered the fun and excitement that has come from going on these dates. They mentioned the ability to talk to the person and get to know them by doing fun activities was an ideal way to get to know what you like in people. This kind of dating is needed in our culture today in my opinion. Just from discussing in class the positive effects of casual dating, I definitely wish it was more common because people can learn what kinds of people they best work with and therefore be on a track that will lead to finding a compatible spouse.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Gender roles
Gender roles was the main focus this week in my Family Relations class. I learned way more than I expected to on this issue of how gender plays a significant role in society today. We had to take a moment and analyze how important our gender has been in the interactions we have had with our families. I stopped and thought about how my feminine traits have influenced me to take on the role of a second mother as the oldest in our house. I have always assisted my mother in taking care of the kids like when I direct them to go to bed when they choose to stay up late or when I break up fights that start. If I were a male, I would act completely different! I would most likely take on the role of a fatherly figure that my siblings would look to. I would have more masculine tendencies and would almost have a different personality because of that.
I believe that gender is ordained of god. The topic of sexual orientation is extremely contriversial, but from the various readings and videos I have watched this week and an accumulation of observations I have made in my life, I know that we are given a sexuality at birth and for a reason. God is good. He would only give us what is natural and right. To completely rebel against that given gender, even if there are bisexual attractions is denying a gift given us from god. Those that choose to identify themselves as "gay" or "lesbian" choose to act on those attractions and outright decide that they do not like this gift.
Those are my personal ideas on this topic, but from some of the reading I found that people with homosexual tendencies can seek and obtain help. There are programs offered that provide liberation and assistance to those that desire it. There is a 65% success recovery rate of all those that go through these programs. Reading this I realized that there are people that want to embrace that gift of gender, but just need some help. In choosing to obtain that help, there was joy, happiness and change. One boy went through an interview on one of the required videos we had to watch. He explained his experience of choosing to accept the homosexual feelings he had and lived such a lifestyle. He described his utilizing programs to help him and in the end he emphasized the lightness, joy, and happiness he felt. The tendencies he had vanished and he found girls extremely attractive. It was a process, but out of choice he changed his ways to become ones that were of god. In doing that, he found joy and the lack of empty sadness that he felt extensively during the earlier choices he made. Change is possible.
I believe that gender is ordained of god. The topic of sexual orientation is extremely contriversial, but from the various readings and videos I have watched this week and an accumulation of observations I have made in my life, I know that we are given a sexuality at birth and for a reason. God is good. He would only give us what is natural and right. To completely rebel against that given gender, even if there are bisexual attractions is denying a gift given us from god. Those that choose to identify themselves as "gay" or "lesbian" choose to act on those attractions and outright decide that they do not like this gift.
Those are my personal ideas on this topic, but from some of the reading I found that people with homosexual tendencies can seek and obtain help. There are programs offered that provide liberation and assistance to those that desire it. There is a 65% success recovery rate of all those that go through these programs. Reading this I realized that there are people that want to embrace that gift of gender, but just need some help. In choosing to obtain that help, there was joy, happiness and change. One boy went through an interview on one of the required videos we had to watch. He explained his experience of choosing to accept the homosexual feelings he had and lived such a lifestyle. He described his utilizing programs to help him and in the end he emphasized the lightness, joy, and happiness he felt. The tendencies he had vanished and he found girls extremely attractive. It was a process, but out of choice he changed his ways to become ones that were of god. In doing that, he found joy and the lack of empty sadness that he felt extensively during the earlier choices he made. Change is possible.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Cultures and the family unit
This week, our main focus was centered on cultures. There
were some assignments given that had us look into the many different cultures
that influence family life in our society. I learned how these types of
cultures also influence decisions of individuals in the family as well. Some
families are smaller and have a very different dynamic in comparison to
families that have many children.
From
different research provided, I have found that the most ideal dynamic that is
best for children is for the family’s culture to stem from the traditional
family system. A father and mother working hand in hand to rear children. That
is how it has been for thousands of years. Now, it is not as expected and so we
see cultures becoming more accepting of different family systems. I believe
that the traditional family is vital. It has been tested to be the best in
comparison to other examples of family units. I hope that people can one day
recognize the value of traditional families though the cultures of today are changing.
Something needs to change. This is our posterity we are talking about.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Relationships in the family
So- for this weeks assignments in this class, I learned quite a bit. At BYU-Idaho where I am currently taking this Family Relations class, the students are required to do a lot to be prepared to come to class by completing assignments to read or research different topics. I have learned so much more preparing for class than I would have expected! For one assignment, I had to utilize a program called genpro to map out the relationships that exist in my own family whether they be positive or negative. Doing this gave me a visual perspective on how my families relationships are right now.
For another assignment, I had to go to a public place where families would be so I chose to walk to a public park near the campus. Once I got there, I had to observe the relationships that existed between family members (in this case, it was between several mothers and their children). The first mother I observed was so kind and sweet to her little boy and she played with him on the jungle gym. For a moment, the little boy strayed over to a construction area and though I might have expected her to get angry, she calmly said "Don't go over there." He listened and quickly obeyed her. In this positive relationship I can visualize how it might progress over time to become healthy even into the teenage years. Obviously the boy trusts his mother and she has a loving way of correcting and helping him that could influence him as he grows up.
I also had to watch several videos about the separation of the wealthy and the poor in society. I guess I never really considered that it could be an issue in this day and age. I learned how in various situations, these different classes in society really don't mix. It seems to depend upon where in the U.S. you live. Well, I learned a lot even from doing these few assignments- this class becomes more and more insightful every week!
For another assignment, I had to go to a public place where families would be so I chose to walk to a public park near the campus. Once I got there, I had to observe the relationships that existed between family members (in this case, it was between several mothers and their children). The first mother I observed was so kind and sweet to her little boy and she played with him on the jungle gym. For a moment, the little boy strayed over to a construction area and though I might have expected her to get angry, she calmly said "Don't go over there." He listened and quickly obeyed her. In this positive relationship I can visualize how it might progress over time to become healthy even into the teenage years. Obviously the boy trusts his mother and she has a loving way of correcting and helping him that could influence him as he grows up.
I also had to watch several videos about the separation of the wealthy and the poor in society. I guess I never really considered that it could be an issue in this day and age. I learned how in various situations, these different classes in society really don't mix. It seems to depend upon where in the U.S. you live. Well, I learned a lot even from doing these few assignments- this class becomes more and more insightful every week!
Friday, September 27, 2013
My fellow classmate's blogs
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Acor, Sidney
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Anderson, Ashley
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Atwell, Emma
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Barney, Camille
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Bohn, Lindsey
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Bowman, Hayley
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Callister, Katrina
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Capener, KateLyn
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Conant, Sydney
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Cruz, Daisy
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Cunningham, Darryl
Durbidge, Samuel
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Eberle, Kristina
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Egbert, Breanna
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Evans, Brenn
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Fokken, Renee
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Gardner, Kristi
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Gopaul, Katrina
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Hall, Sara Jane
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Hamilton, Mikaila
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Harris-Cumings, Apolonia
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Houser, Britt
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Howell, Lorin
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Hubbard, Nicole
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Ibarra, Marissa
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Ingold, Makenna
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Johnson, Krystle
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Kaiser, Nick
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Kellogg, Mandi
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Little, Emily
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Marshall, Nichole
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Merrell, Stefanie Mic http://stefaniesinsights.blogspot.com/
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Meyers, Caleb
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Minson, Emily
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Moody, Anna
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Pahl, Brianna
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Patrick, Cheyenne
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Pincock, Shanae
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Pottle, Hannah
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Ramos, Sara
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Ream, Cameron
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Roberts, Emily
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Rowley, Brenna
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Skovensky, Ellie
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Snare, Tyler
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Startup, Peyton
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Steiner, Taushalyn
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Stewart, Stephanie
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Stock, Raini
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Stoker, Jessica
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Stone, Brandon
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Wheeler, Josh
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Whiting, Mollie
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Wilson, Leslie
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Young, Krista
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